in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
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you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
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Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive