ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.