I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.