You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
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I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
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Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.