She said her name was "party"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
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I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
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I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.