Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"