It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
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I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
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I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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