he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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