if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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