mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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