Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
