Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
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You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
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Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys