found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.