I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I AM VODKA MAN
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.