I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!