Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?