Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
