So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
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So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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