Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize