I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I need to stop coming to work sober
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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