Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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