The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
