There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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