i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
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she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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