i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
