i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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