so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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