we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize