and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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