Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
