I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize