I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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