Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Randomize