I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
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Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
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I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize