i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
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I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I am one with the molecules
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I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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