he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
