if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
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Did I show you my penis last night?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
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My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize