but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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