new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
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The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
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If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize