I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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