WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
