I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
