Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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