I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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