Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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