Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
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