end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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