It was confusing and full of hummus
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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