ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings