at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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