i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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