I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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