My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
