Say something about gay babies.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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