problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
