Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up

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(413): so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up http://tfl.nu/rtem

Replies (23) Good night (3658) Bad night (550)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?

(1-479): View more from Arkansas

I believe so, yes.

(479): View more from Arkansas

Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?

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(479): I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing? (1-479): I believe so, yes. (479): Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you? http://tfl.nu/chrd

Replies (46) Good night (2401) Bad night (853)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.

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(201): It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar. http://tfl.nu/427l

Replies (8) Good night (3394) Bad night (961)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it

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(615): Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it http://tfl.nu/48wy

Replies (10) Good night (1098) Bad night (3365)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409

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(501): And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409 http://tfl.nu/uewi

Replies (4) Good night (556) Bad night (1208)
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(707): View more from California

I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots

(1-707): View more from California

You did like 8

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(707): I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots (1-707): You did like 8 http://tfl.nu/2yf9

Replies (6) Good night (2762) Bad night (615)
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(406): View more from Montana

I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.

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(406): I would watch the shit out of some full house right now. http://tfl.nu/5ksj

Replies (6) Good night (2084) Bad night (582)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."

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(617): I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes." http://tfl.nu/5alc

Replies (31) Good night (3432) Bad night (1365)
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(573): View more from Missouri

He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"

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(573): He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut" http://tfl.nu/oeuu

Replies (3) Good night (1179) Bad night (448)
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(207): View more from Maine

I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.

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(207): I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time. http://tfl.nu/5zpy

Replies (3) Good night (786) Bad night (632)
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(775): View more from Nevada

Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one

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(775): Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one http://tfl.nu/6mot

Replies (7) Good night (329) Bad night (1070)
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(337): View more from Louisiana

Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.

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(337): Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment. http://tfl.nu/4czr

Replies (2) Good night (744) Bad night (375)
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(317): View more from Indiana

Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?

(1-317): View more from Indiana

Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.

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(317): Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here? (1-317): Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0. http://tfl.nu/u5j4

Replies (1) Good night (388) Bad night (760)
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(925): View more from California

Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.

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(925): Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties. http://tfl.nu/9kne

Replies (2) Good night (479) Bad night (863)
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(330): View more from Ohio

I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.

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(330): I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr. http://tfl.nu/4w4h

Replies (1) Good night (780) Bad night (282)

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