I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life