alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
