he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.