Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.