He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize