He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
