I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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